Sunday Reflections

As women, black women we face many struggles of personal viewpoints and societal norms. Yes we are enough!! We face child bearing, parenthood, being a wife, having successful careers and businesses, taking care of our parents or family members, all while keeping the household together with a sound mind and managing a healthy lifestyle ourselves! It is A LOT and that is an understatement. Most of my adult life, I’ve been a single parent. I was pregnant while I finished out my undergraduate degree while also working two jobs. It was not easy but I made it! And even after that I faced many trials that tested me - most people say wow you are such a strong woman. But what most don’t really talk about is the affects those trials really have on a person.

Yes I do consider myself a strong person who is pretty resilient. But I’m tired Lord! Seriously! When does my break come? I’m patient, extremely! And when I meet people I am not initially open to all my trials and struggles that I’ve been through. I’m typically guarded in that sense until I get to know you and trust is built to a certain level.

In relationships, I am more sensitive to what people have to say about me or the way I live my life or the decisions I make. Reflecting on myself I believe it is because I have been through a lot and those things are what make me me, so it becomes personal and how dare you!!! You don’t know me, you don’t know what I’ve been through or why or how I got here. Yes I am more sensitive than most and my whole life, I’ve been reminded of that. I don’t think that is something I can ever change, trust me I’ve tried!

So I am accepting it as an integral part of myself. It allows me to have an open heart, love others for who they are, not judge because I don’t know what people are going through or how they got to where they are. Practicing grace and patient everyday is what allows me to be very sensitive to things, mindful that words are hurtful, judgement is hurtful and I know this because of my own experiences.

~ Shawntae’